felkes: (Default)
The cold weather's rolled around again, and with it I pull out my off-brand wolf spirithood and grey winter cape (I hate coats, they're too restricting on my upper torso). On top of this, I've taken to almost always wearing my grey wolf tail when I go out. At literally every public location I've gone to, the grocery store, the bank, even walking around my neighborhood I get some kind of comment along the lines of "nice costume". My mental response every time has been "but it's not Halloween. This isn't a costume, this is just how I dress."
Being the introvert that I am I don't say this, but instead smile, say a thanks and move along, but still. It isn't Halloween, why do people keep assuming that my autumn/winter wear is a costume. =/

I'm curious to see what happens after Halloween has passed and I'm still wearing my hood, cape, and tail. People won't be able to call it a costume then. :P

Date: 2012-10-30 03:01 am (UTC)From: [personal profile] avia
avia: Painting of a swan flying against a background of city night sky. (swan flight)
Ahh, that's one of the things that's really frustrating about Halloween. Suddenly, attempting to be your self becomes a "costume". I like that people are free to wear a costume at this time, but I hate how it becomes not taken seriously, then, because of that.

That's a lovely tail, though. Looks so soft.

Date: 2012-10-30 03:46 am (UTC)From: [personal profile] avia
avia: Two swans in a painted style, with a soft purple color effect that looks fantasy. (mysterious swans)
Oh! You MADE the tail? Ahhhh, it's amazing! The blending, is it airbrushed? It really does look real, I wasn't sure if it was real or not...

And yeah, I try to avoid wearing my "real" costumes (the more realistic ones I use to just represent my birdness) around Halloween, because I'm just going to be read as "a human in a costume". And that is very... erasing feeling I guess. When people assume that they know what it's all about, and that thing is a really mundane thing that's not who I am at all, then their minds close and my existence in the world as what I am becomes impossible for them again, and that's a horrible feeling. Knowing that, someone's mind just closed and they're just thinking, "a human in a funny costume, nothing to see here".

Date: 2012-10-30 04:20 am (UTC)From: [personal profile] avia
avia: A person in a plague doctor mask (skull mask with a long bird beak), black and white image. (plague doctor)
Wow, it's yarn! I've seen yarn tails before and they always look nice, but that one's really good.

Ahh, it's a shame that your experience was ruined that way... And, yeah, I don't have many swan things but I have a few bird things. I have a hawk mask from missmonster, I have one swan and one tengu and one "bird spirit" mask that I made my self (the bird spirit is sort of similar to the mask that San wears in Princess Mononoke, but bird-themed, if you know that movie), and I have a lovely plague doctor mask (see icon, that's not me but it's a very similar idea) that's very birdlike.

I also have kigurumi (animal pajamas), it's not really realistic but I can pull it over my face when I want to shut out the world and that's good. You can see here how it covers me completely. That's an owl.

I wish I had more swan things, but a swan is a really hard design to make for or find, because of the neck...

Date: 2012-10-30 05:05 am (UTC)From: [personal profile] avia
avia: A mute swan in snow with a graceful curled neck. Black and white. (swan snowfall)
Yeah, I definitely agree about Princess Mononoke, it's my favorite Miyazaki movie too. I don't watch many movies but it's a really powerful story, though Spirited Away was good too, but that one's my favorite.

Yes! Swandog! I know her a little, we've talked a few times (being two of the only swans in the community, it's hard to not run into each other, hehe). She's a lovely person.

It actually did get made, it turned out like this. It's quite lovely, but from a therian perspective (where I want the costume I am in to represent how my body feels/help with dysphoria, as well as representing me on the outside), I would find it very awkward to wear a tall head like that above my head, and not have control over it. I already feel like I can't move my head the way I should because it's not on a long neck, so, having it trapped in a big heavy pillar would be more uncomfortable, I think.

I am starting to like the idea of doing it with arms, using one or two arms to control a neck and head. I heard that's how they do Big Bird on Sesame Street and it seems a lot more natural for me... I already sometimes make a "swan mouth" with my hand and make my arm shaped like a swan neck and nibble/nuzzle people, it's one way of showing affection that I'm actually more comfortable with than a lot of human affections.

(I found that out when I had a relationship that broke down because I'm deeply uncomfortable with most human affection gestures (even though she was also nonhuman she liked them more than I did), on the last day of one visit we had I was so burned out from hugs that I was starting to get really stressed and anxious and not wanting to be around anyone. But then we started to do this swan thing with our hands and it helped a lot, just being able to communicate in a way that felt more natural, making those body language gestures and similar.

We still broke up because I realised that I don't tolerate any of the things that's wanted in a normal romantic relationship, but I found that out, at least. /tangent)

Date: 2012-10-30 07:18 am (UTC)From: [personal profile] avia
avia: Painting of a swan flying against a background of city night sky. (swan flight)
Yessss. I heard a of people say that's what they love about the movie... there is no good or evil. Miyazaki also said this quote,

“The concept of portraying evil and then destroying it - I know this is considered mainstream, but I think it is rotten. This idea that whenever something evil happens someone particular can be blamed and punished for it, in life and in politics is hopeless.”

And I think that's why he can create a story like Princess Mononoke - because he believes in this.

But yes, ahhh, the gods are very beautiful. A friend actually did a beautiful painting for me of a swan god leading the "normal" swans, based on this type...

And yeah, I don't think she is too too open about it, but she is a therian. And the "attach to the spine" thing sounds great! I would not mind having to see through a lower part of the body, as long as I could move the head and have some control of it. So it doesn't feel like a huge lump of weight, haha.

Yeah, we first got drawn together through her nonhumanness and we talked about those shared experiences a lot... it was a really lovely friendship but I wish it had stayed that way, because now we don't really talk and I feel like there is "too much awkward history". Like I sometimes do with people, I felt happy to talk to her and excited to be in her company because we shared ideas, so I thought it was love and acted that way... then realized I'm not really a person who wants love. I guess I would say "it was nice while it lasted" but really the friendship part was the nice part because I don't really appreciate romance, haha. I will say that it was good to have someone who understood me and she was (is) a lovely person.

She is also a winged type, more like angel really but I think I pulled her by accident into temporarily identifying with birds a lot, because of the shared wing feelings. So we got along in that way, it wasn't like, fox/cat hisss claw bite. Though, weirdly but one of my closest friends is a cat (domestic), and you won't think cats and birds are getting along at all but we're both lazy and fine with being aggressive at each other physically if we wish to so we usually don't have a friendship-breaking conflict over that, we just work it out with playfighting. The main thing we have a conflict about is food, because we both have an attitude of "if I like how it looks, it's mine" and just physically steal food from each other and occasionally someone gets mad...

And yeah, I'd really feel awkward acting as my self around someone human. It's good for me that I tend to make friends with only nonhumans, I guess because I don't need many friends so I don't "need" to go out and make a lot of friends and I can just pick who I want to be friends with... but it's very lucky that me and my cat friend live very close to each other now. Weirdly, one of her other friends from the internet lives a few blocks from her and she didn't choose to live closer to her... it's like, what is so special about this particular part of the world, haha. It's not like we live in a big city or with any big attractions, there's some nice nature but you can get that in other parts of the state too... but anyway.

Haha, it's okay, I'm bad at it too. I don't mind if you don't. It's good to have a detailed conversation with you. ^v^

Edited (slllightly edited for personal identifying information because this is public, oops ^v^; I don't mind if you know the original comment, just don't want it on record for everyone) Date: 2012-10-30 07:21 am (UTC)

Date: 2012-10-31 01:12 am (UTC)From: [personal profile] avia
avia: A mute swan peeking out from behind a wing. (swan peeking)
Definitely, yes. He has the courage to say a lot of things that other people don't and, as well, the ability to share them in art. Having the courage, but, not always having the ability, I'm glad that people exist who can do that.

Yeah, that would have made some very beautiful scenes. I'm not sure why there was no flying scene actually, it's clear that he likes them. Have you seen the short film by Miyazaki, "On Your Mark"? It's about two people who are helping a winged girl escape from a facility. It's about 6 minutes long, and very beautiful I think. I wish they made a full movie out of it, because the story was very interesting.

I want to make the most realistic looking, and feeling, full body suit ever. ^^

Ahh, I've thought that so many times! I hope you can do it. 99% of suits are not "enough" for me. I want something that I can disappear in, something that will completely hide the idea of being human.

Haha, and it's true we probably have some "mutual scary" respect. Cats can kill baby swans, but an adult swan is not something to mess with. So usually, we're glad to hiss and not truly start a dangerous fight.

Having translators for humanness... that does sound quite useful. I often wish for a "handbook for what humans say and do", haha. I think it's probably a good thing to human friends, it's just difficult for me. I'm so bad at socializing even with people who really understand me, so I don't have the strength to make friends where I have to explain my self to those people. I think it's a shame in some ways because I would like to learn from more people and I would like them to learn from me... I get angry at humanity a lot but I definitely think there's a lot of good people. The flaw is in me, in that case.

Ahh, I'm glad if you don't think of me like a celebrity now. Honestly, I never expected to become so "popular". When I started on Tumblr, my blog was very humble. But I think, because I spoke honestly, people looked up to me. That's all it was... I said honest things in a world where people are abused by society and encouraged to not say honest things. It's sad, if you think about it, that that's so rare that I can become popular by doing it.

But yeah, Tumblr messaging is hard. And If you don't talk to someone in a detail way it can be hard to see them as equals. I hope you can see me more as equals now. ^v^

Date: 2012-10-30 09:39 pm (UTC)From: [personal profile] citrakayah
citrakayah: (Default)
That is a most interesting tail.

They'd probably assume you were a furry.

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